Wednesday, 1 February 2012

The Way We Move Defines Ourselves

This is a story about the events that happened earlier.. 

I've always had the notion that pleasing everyone before me creates a good impression, for myself and for others. I would always step down just so that there would be no arguments of some sort. I have lived a life full of win-lose situations. The person I talked to wins and the other one loses. I have learned to change that notion gradually because, apparently, pleasing others would only make you lose in every way possible. You lose the pride, the power and most importantly, the self-esteem. I regained myself for the past few years and made it clear that YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE. Yes, you may have to cross the line a few times, but if you don't, you will never get there. There are situations that this statement isn't applicable but almost all the time, it is. I always remember the Filipino saying "Pag gusto, may paraan. Kapag ayaw may dahilan. (If you want it, you find ways to make it happen. If you don't, you reason out)" It almost seems that this saying is congruent to the first one. Let me get started.

The day started as I arrived at the hospital. Jolly as always, I sat down and rested because of the fact that my house was miles away from my workplace and the journey is tiresome. The first idea that came up on my head is too look up our new schedule. I was delighted that I saw the schedule, the same way it follows out normal schedule routine and that no adjustments were made, but I never really did look up my name in the group list. All I saw was the schedule itself. A few minutes later after talking to my trainee batch mates, I decided to copy the schedule to be posted online since I was VP and all. The moment I read and re-read the name list, I couldn't find my name on our group's schedule. I was totally shocked and not only that, I was freaking out. The first thing I thought of was that It was my friend's fault having to request a transfer of ward schedule to ours. I quickly scanned the rest of the pages and I saw myself at a different ward, the Pay Ward. I was ultimately devastated to see my name. I know I shouldn't have reacted or felt that way but it has only been a month since we started our duty at the hospital. There wasn't even a memo of reshuffling or removals of nurses. Then it kept playing on my mind "it is your fault Jer(my friend's name)". To my dear friend, if you are reading this, I apologize. I know it was not ultimately your fault of me being placed in a different ward. I couldn't help myself and  I couldn't think straight because I was utterly devastated and angry at the same time. Forgive me for the angry phone calls and text messages. I couldn't focus. My attention was at the schedule. And every time I hear the word reshuffle or schedule, I get depressed. Good thing I was on charting duty on that day. learning to do open charting and stuff. Let's skip to the BEST part. I went to our chief nurse and stated my concern about the schedule. She said that she was the one who requested for me to be placed at the Pay ward and said that it was for my heart's condition. I said that it was okay for me to be at the service ward and said that I want the whole service ward experience for three months before being placed on any other ward in the hospital. I told her I wanted to learn the procedures further and not make any mistakes through them. And I also told her that I would say something if I am not feeling all well in the other ward. She said okay and told me that she would talk to the person who creates the schedule. I told her that I wish I could still be on service ward duty the following scheduled date so she told me to go and see that PERSON today. I went to her and approached her as calm as I can be and asked if I could get my same schedule back. She pointed out that the schedule has been passed to the HR (WTF?) and that if I could find any replacement, than she would gladly change it or I could just let it be and wait for the end of half month for the next schedule. I said okay. Immediately I called Jerome and asked if he could switched places. I said that It still is the same schedule and that we are only two wards away. He agreed because the only purpose of him switching scheduled dates is because he wanted to be with our scheduled time and under our supervisor, which still is a win-win situation. He agreed. I went back to the scheduler and asked if she could change it now that I have a person to switch sides to. She practically screamed at my face saying "Go ahead. It's your choice." I would not restate the other words she said because I believe her reasoning is just fucked up. I felt guilty, because, besides being angry with my friend for some shallow fucked up reason, I angered one of the hospital officials. My other friend Lester warned me that I shouldn't cross anyone else. but who cares. I Can't please everyone. I have to please myself first.

Wondering why I reacted that way? I have the best group mates or it would be better to say team mates. I learn a lot. With routine stuff that I don't know, they are there to help you and it's the last month I'm going to be with them. It's the last month to learn be like them. Also, they are the most accommodating people. Another reason is having my supervisor with us. She is caring and would help you learn in many ways. And lastly, there are the big bosses with the initials AA and LS. They may be just consultants but I want to be like them. Trusted by the doctors and not afraid of anything. Shifting wards might change the fact that I am learning from them a lot and that would stop. Just so they know, I'm so in-love with the Team. I guess that is the main reason. Another main reason for wanting to stay is perfecting the skills. I'm not a perfect nurse and with this ward, I am able to do better. Making me shift to a Pay ward will make it less likely to have experience. And I'm just stating a fact.

And that concludes the story.  I hope you make something out of it.

rapbernardo ©2012